\n “PIMP SPELLING BEE”
\n By Andres Palencia<\/p>\n
FADE IN:<\/p>\n
CARD: REALLY BORING TITLE CARD READS “PIMP SPELLING BEE”<\/p>\n
INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM – DAY<\/p>\n
PIMP1 is standing at the feathered and leopard print
\n podium. Facing him in a panel of judges, one of which is
\n PIMP2. On either side of PIMP2 is LADY1 and LADY2.
\n (Lower 3rd reads ” Round 4 –
\n Semi Finals”)<\/p>\n
PIMP2
\n You ready pimp?<\/p>\n
PIMP1
\n Chuch.<\/p>\n
PIMP2
\n The word is Ritziticious, make it happen.<\/p>\n
PIMP1
\n Aight. Ritziticious(beat)Can you use it
\n on a hoe?<\/p>\n
PIMP2
\n (turns to LADY1) Bitch, you shiftin’
\n splizits on the ritziticious for reals,
\n dig.<\/p>\n
LADY1
\n (slaps PIMP2 storms off crying)I hate you
\n sometimes baby!<\/p>\n
PIMP1
\n Aight aight, ritziticious, r-i-t-zizum
\n shuz-i-c-o-u-s. Bitch.<\/p>\n
PIMP2
\n Play on play on.<\/p>\n
PIMP1 walks behind and to the right of where he was
\n standing. PIMP3 walks up to the podium.<\/p>\n
PIMP2 (CONT’D)
\n You ready playa?<\/p>\n
PIMP3
\n Ritz.<\/p>\n
PIMP2
\n Alright relaxitize, as in I wanna git my
\n Shirley Temple’s, but I gots tah
\n relaxitize my hair first.<\/p>\n
PIMP3
\n Maybe you need to relaxitize.<\/p>\n
PIMP2
\n Is, is he hatin’? We got a hater in
\n here.?<\/p>\n
PIMP3
\n Nah, I thoug-<\/p>\n
PIMP2
\n Bitch ain’t no body tell you to think!
\n Get this bitch ass of my stage! (beat)
\n PIMP3 has been elimiated from the
\n competition for the technical fault of
\n hating, cuztody of his hoes go to the
\n winner.<\/p>\n
SECURITY1 and SECURITY2 march the guy off the stage. On
\n the side of the stage is a group of LADIES crying. PIMP4
\n walks up to the podium.<\/p>\n
PIMP2 (CONT’D)
\n Ready pimpin’?<\/p>\n
PIMP4
\n Easy baby easy, knowmimtalkinbout,breeze
\n buckin’ wild tizzle, but on the real,
\n ain’t no raftin, mustard mayonaise…<\/p>\n
PIMP2
\n Yo word is ritz.<\/p>\n
PIMP4
\n Knowimtalkabout, chichen up on the real
\n dizzle fly-scuzz, hook a pimpn’ up use it
\n on the po-po<\/p>\n
PIMP2
\n Ritz as in, It would be best for you to
\n reallocate significant appropriations of
\n your mutual funds securities into a more
\n market driven corportate account, ritz?<\/p>\n
PIMP4
\n Knowatimtalkingbout ritz, r-i-rixxit tat,
\n fixin’ up to skimp on these bitches, cuz
\n without all that ass i can’t get my
\n riches, t-z. Ritz. Bitch.<\/p>\n
There is a pause and PIMP2 consults with the rest of the
\n panel.<\/p>\n
PIMP2
\n Preach. Not only! Did you spell the word,
\n for the first time in pimp spelling bee
\n history you actually pimped the word. We
\n have no choice but to crown you winner
\n pimp playboy, and award you erebody elses
\n bitches.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Andres wrote a sketch. I horribly acted it out with voices and all. You know you want to watch. You know it’s going to hurt a little but, a very white man trying to pull this scene off is funny. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-175","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-odds","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.craigcalkins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/175","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.craigcalkins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.craigcalkins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.craigcalkins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.craigcalkins.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=175"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.craigcalkins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/175\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.craigcalkins.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=175"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.craigcalkins.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=175"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.craigcalkins.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=175"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}